Walking - Day 1

Psalm 55

Give ear to my prayer, O God, and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy!  Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan.  My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me. Fear and trembling come upon me, and horror overwhelms me. And I say, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest."

But I call to God, and the LORD will save me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice. He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage. 

It's day one - I was told to walk for 30 minutes a day, and that is just what I did.  My heart is in pain, and my brain is telling me to run - just like the Psalmist - I wish I could run to a place where the struggle is over and peace again reigns in my heart.  But in the meantime, I walk.

As I started out today, I walked around the neighborhood and began pulling leaves from various trees.  There are so many lessons I thought through as I thought about our sovereign, all powerful, loving and intimate God.  His creativity, His structure, His care, His awareness...  So many lessons - so many thoughts.  So I thought I might want to record them.

As I walked up to the tree - I looked for the best leaf that represented that tree.  Interestingly enough, every leaf had some "flaw" to it.  Even the best of the best - the one I chose - still was not without possible mutation, rip, tear, bug infestation, etc. All of the leaves had some form of imperfection.  For some you needed to look very closely, for others it was clear very quickly.  THE THOUGHT: Our God does not pick the perfect to do His job.  He selects whichever ones He wants and uses them as He wishes.  I am one of those messed up leaves, and God has allowed me to be used by Him.

I noticed every tree had a different leaf.  Different sizes, different shapes, different edges, different texture... they were all different!  Even variations on a theme - some were similar but had jagged edges instead of smooth, some were thicker and some were thinner, some the "vein" setup in the leaf was different than others.  THE THOUGHT: God could have created one type of tree with one leaf, with one fruit/flower, with one bark, etc. Yet he chose to make things interesting for us.  He varied the shapes, sizes, texture, everything to help us know what type of tree, and what to expect from that tree.  I look for apples from an apple tree - and if I were a true tree lover, I would be able to tell it was an apple tree from the leaves.

One thought that really bumped me back was the thought that God oversees every tree, every leaf and  - and here's where it got interesting for me - God knew which leaves I was going to pull from each tree today.  God knew before I did.  As I looked at the leaves and pondered which leaf to take, God already knew which one I would pull.  He knew that was the "end of life" for these leaves.  THE THOUGHT: If God knows about the insignificant leaf, don't I believe that He knows about the difficulties in my life?  As difficulty comes my way, God is already there.  Even more amazingly is that He is not responsive to the calamity, but actually using it to shape me into the man I need to be.  This is hard news when my world is falling apart and I wonder why He doesn't stop it.  If I can remind myself that He is part of it, He is ordering it, for His good and mine as well, it doesn't make it hurt any less, but does give purpose to the pain.

One final observation - I noticed as the leaves were plucked, they looked very vibrant and healthy.  As I sit here just an hour or so later, I see that the leaves already are beginning to wither - and I expect if I put them outside right now (in the 90+ degree weather) they would be wilted by dinner time.  All of their "leaf friends" that are still attached to the tree will still be green and growing later today - but each of these leaves are on a downhill spiral to death and destruction.  THE THOUGHT: I must be attached to the vine (Jesus) in order to be healthy and whole.  I can live a vibrant life, even in the face of difficulty (like the 90+ degree temps) if I am connected to the one who brings me joy, satisfaction, purpose, meaning... I cannot, will not, allow the difficulties of this life to "pluck" me from the vine of Christ - I must abide and allow His fruit to grow in me.

I started with a Psalm 55 passage that is a cry for help when life is upside down - and right now, my life is extremely upside down.  But I must conclude with the Psalmist "I call to God, and the LORD will save me."  Not because I deserve it - as I have evaluated the difficulty I am encountering, I realize I am the cause of the problem - so I am hardly innocent and demanding that God save me.  I call to God because He is the only one who can save me.  I call to God because He is my Father and He will do what is best.  I call to God because He is the Savior!

Great walk today - looking forward to tomorrow...