"O victory in Jesus, My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me with His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him and all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory, beneath the cleansing flood."
Words by E.M. Bartlett
Years ago, I told my wife that this was one of my favorite hymns, and that I wanted it played or sung at my memorial service. Grimm as it may sound, it was something we talked about in our 20's.
The funny thing about life is, as we grow older, we understand things very differently.
You see, I loved this song because it communicated that I had victory in Jesus. In other words, because I had Jesus in my life, I could be victorious in life. Yes, hardships would come, difficulties would come, tests of my faith would come, but because I had Jesus, I knew victory was mine.
I believed that at the end of my life, people could stand around and talk about my life, and be able to say, "Ken had victory in his life because he loved Jesus".
However, life happened. Troubles came, testings came, temptation came, and I did NOT have victory. I failed - miserably - I failed my wife, my children, my family, my church family... I dropped the ball significantly - and as a result, I could no longer stand and say that I had "victory in Jesus".
For years, I could not even sing at church. The words of the songs no longer applied to me. The promises I would be making in the songs were no longer accurate - I had failed. And as a result, how could I even think of making another promise, I would fail again - maybe not the same way, but in me is the capacity for real and deep sinfulness.
I write today because I was thinking about this song - and the truth that is still true for me today.
I was thinking of the song incorrectly. I was thinking, "If I have Jesus, I can be victorious. If I have Jesus, I can stand in the face of trial. If I have Jesus, nothing can take me down." So when it did, I was no longer had victory in Jesus.
I knew I still had Jesus - I never waivered from that thought. He had given me new life. He took on himself my sinfulness, and gave me His righteousness. He experienced the wrath of God that I deserved, and gave me a standing before God. I was far from God, an enemy of God, a hater of God, and He brought me into God's family.
The point of the song is not - I have victory in Jesus - it is that I have Jesus and that IS VICTORY! He is the victor! HE gives to me victory because He has conquered death and hell, sin and the enemy. All I did was receive Him - and the rest was already done.
If I were to die today - sinful as I am, in Christ I can stand and sing at the top of my lungs, "O Victory in Jesus!".
What a great Savior we have.
