This morning, after a 3 mile run with my wife, I was on my way to the gym and they were talking about marriage on the radio. I found myself lost in thought as I pondered the similarities between working out and developing a good healthy marriage. Here are a couple of my uncompleted thoughts...
- Both require work - without a willingness to push yourself beyond your own limits and do the work required, neither will produce what you want.
- Speaking of which, both require a goal/objective - I see people all the time in the gym who seem to want to do something, and it seems that they think just being in the gym is going to make them healthy and strong - truth be told, many people in marriages think just being married will produce what they long for as well. Without an objective (which muscles you are working, what parts of your body need improvement, etc) you will never know what good going to the gym is producing, and eventually you will want to quit. With marriage, having goals, direction, and objectives as a couple (ministry, financial, family, personal, educational, etc.) you will struggle to know what you are all about, and eventually you will wonder what you are doing.
- Both involve pain and difficulty - There are times at the gym I am hurting and sore - and there are times later in the day that I feel the pain of the morning workout. I don't like the pain - but I know the results are worth it. I watch some who are willing to be at the gym - they want to "do the work", but when the body becomes sore or the workout is difficult, they seek the easier path. The stronger, healthier, leaner bodies belong to the people who are willing to enter the pain and fight the desire to quit when things are most difficult. In the same way, no marriage worth being in will not have difficulty, struggles, and heartache. We are sinners in a fallen world. We sin against each other daily - but entering the pain and working through it will strengthen your "marriage muscles" and bring the healthy, stronger marriage you desire.
- Quitting is not an option! In either case, if you have an "out", an "alternate plan", or allow for quitting, you will never push through. Even the most dedicated person will seek an exit when things are at their most difficult. If there isn't one, they will push through and be successful - if there is, the draw could be too strong and will cause failure. Divorce should never be discussed - it is the "easy way out" (although I know it is not easy), any more than talking about going to Dunkin Donuts instead of going to the gym is smart conversation at 5:30 in the morning. Given the choice, I would prefer the thing that brings temporary satisfaction over the thing that brings long term pleasure.
- Which brings us to the point of - neither a profitable/worthwhile marriage or healthy exercise plan have a short life span! Temporary pleasures have no place in either marriage or exercise. I hear people talk about a "cheat day" on their diet/exercise plan. I don't understand this - because who is it you are hurting when you "cheat"? There is no benefit to working out, eating right, and then "cheating" on your diet. When you "cheat" on your diet, you just require more work/exercise/discipline to regain the ground you lost. In a very similar reality, cheating on your marriage (by placing anything in the place of your spouse - another person, your job, a hobby, a passion, etc) does nothing but damage to yourself and your spouse. The amount of work necessary to keep a marriage healthy is significant, but the amount of work after cheating is much more. The fruit of the "temporary" never produces anything worth while.
- Some would ask - why get married/why work out? And I will tell you the answer there is the same as well. Yes, both are difficult, both are work, both require discipline, both cause pain, however, both are life changing! Both bring the ability to do things you would never dream possible. Both bring joy, happiness, satisfaction, pleasure... Things that we desire out of life. And I want to point out, it seems to me that both have a "breaking point" that require a decision - and those who push past the pain, the difficulty, the desire to quit, find the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment.
- By the way, just because you have been married for 30 years doesn't mean you put in the work to make it a successful/healthy marriage any more than spending 30 years walking on a treadmill will give you the muscles and healthy body you desire. Yeah, you might have put in the work to continue on, but you haven't done the work to produce a healthy, vibrant life.
- I said all of this, and forgot the most important part. Neither exercise nor marriage are best in a vacuum. In other words, there are external elements necessary to make the plan work. For exercise, you need equipment, personnel (like a trainer/coach), healthy food/drinks - for a marriage, you need God (after all, He's the one who designed it),God's word, personnel (friends, counselors, coaches). If you attempt to work out without the externals, you will be limited in your scope of development - in the same way, with marriage, if you do it alone, without the encouragement/challenging of godly friends, without the input of God and His word, you will find your ability to have a successful marriage nearly impossible.
Lord help me to love my wife as I ought, and seek to serve You and her each day.
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