GET RID OF THE "BALL AND CHAIN"!!

Popular counselors and teachers spend a lot of time encouraging people to work on their marriage. The suggestions are many, and one could get bogged down with all of the "work" involved in making a marriage fulfilling.

So instead, I would like to offer a few very simple, very easy steps to destroy your marriage - it really is much simpler.

1 - Keep God, His word, and any form of His influence out of your life.
2 - Wait for your spouse to think, act, or talk lovingly first.
3 - Discontinue the things you did to attract your spouse - dates, gifts, flattery, etc.
4 - Complain as much as possible - if something annoys you, let your spouse know.
5 - Make sure your needs are met first, if you have any time/energy left, meet their needs.
6 - Pour yourself into your work, your hobbies, your children, your own interests.
7 - Spend money on things you like - do not bother to discuss them with your spouse.
8 - Build relationships with other people that make you feel good.
9 - Hang out with people that devalue marriage as much as you do.
10 - Talk about your spouse to others - make sure others know everything they do wrong.
11 - Imagine what life would be like living with someone else.
12 - Spend as little time as possible with your spouse.
13 - Ignore problems - they will go away eventually.
14 - Keep separate bank accounts - use the words "mine" and "yours" often.
15 - Remind your spouse that a divorce lawyer is only a phone call away.

I guarantee that this will work - if you do these things, it won't be long until you will be freed from your lifelong vow of marriage.

However, with every guarantee, a warning must be given. Be careful what you wish for - your freedom might come at a much higher cost than you can imagine. The grass may look greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed.

I will say this from personal experience, to do the opposite of these things would be a mountain of work, but the rewards are amazing. True satisfaction is available in marriage only when we put the work into it - just like anything else in life.

If you would like encouragement in your marriage, or need help in developing good habits (unlike the ones listed above), please feel free to contact me - I'd love to talk with you about it.

How's your "faith" walk?

Ever look ahead and wonder where you are going? The present is so very clear, but as the path stretches to the horizon, the future is so uncertain.

"Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."

Moving by faith does not happen a year at a time, a month at a time, or even a day at a time. At the speed at which our day travels, faith still happens moment by moment.

Will you choose to make decisions with only the present, visible facts in mind? Or will you choose to live by faith, and move through this world with assurance of what is to come, with the conviction of things you have yet to see?

FAITH IS A CHOICE - a consistent, moment by moment choice to rest in the hands of a good God.

Standing Strong doesn't happen alone!

How does a bridge that was conceived in the mind of a man back in the early 1800's, that was built around 1875 (as dated on the image) still stand today?

Some might say it's strength is in the materials that make up this massive structure. From the "massive granite towers" to the steel cables that are designed to give it stability, but those elements alone do not give it long term "stay ability".

Some might point us to the designer of the bridge that laid out the plans well before the first piece of material was even purchased. Definitely the design of the bridge gives it the strength to endure.

Yet still some might point to the constant maintenance and upkeep of this impressive structure as the reason for it's longevity. And rightfully so, for without the regular evaluations, minor damage could grow to be detrimental.

However, I think all would have to agree that each of these elements is essential for this bridge to stand the test of time.

I would say, though, there is yet another reason why this bridge still stands today.

It was built on something solid. It is supported by something solid, and those supports (to this day) have yet to move. Therefore, the materials, the design, and even the maintenance of this building can continue because the ground on which this bridge is built is sure.

In the same way, if I count on my "good" material, my plans, or even my "maintenance" program to keep myself strong in my walk with God, I am missing the greatest needed assistance to my longevity in my Christianity. My faith is grounded in Christ and His Word, so my original foundation is sure. That being said, there is another part of my walk with God that is essential for durability.

On the foundation of Christ, I have been given supports that enable me to build my faith higher, stretch it out farther, push my faith further. Those supports come in the friendships that God has given me. Dee, David, Karen, Mike, Dee, John, Monica, Wes, Karen, Mike, Linda, Nancy, Judy, Aaron, Matt, Rusty, Todd, Jason... and the list continues. God has given me some close friends to help me be a better husband, to parent my kids well, to minister at my workplace well, to love others, to reach out to others... People who will challenge me. People who will encourage me. People who will tell me when I am wrong! People who love me well!

As you seek to live your life for God, if you desire a long and successful walk with God, evaluate yourself. What are you made of? Be honest - is it "good" material? What have you been designed for? What kinds of "maintenance" do you need to be doing in your life? BUT MOST OF ALL... Who is walking this path along side of you, who knows you well enough to support you well?

If that final question takes a long time to answer, or the list is few, it is time to build some relationships that will give you the depth of strength that you need to stand long term.

Standing Strong does not happen alone!

No Brain, No Pain... No Sense, No Feeling!

I am in pain! Why? I have no idea. My lower back is aching and the pain is shooting down my leg. It kept me up most of the night. So that you won't call me a whiner, I stop my wimpering.

I will say this though, in my hours of being awake, I have had much time to think about pain.

Pain tells me 2 things. 1. I am alive - dead people feel nothing. 2. There is something wrong. What is interesting though is that lack of pain does not mean I am dead, nor does it mean there is nothing wrong. Let me explain.

Two weeks ago, I was kicked in the shin by a 9 year old (I know I shouldn't have been playing soccer, but I have yet to grow up), and it hurt - actually it still does. I have no idea what he kicked, but instantly I had a bubble of blood inside my skin, and my foot was purple for almost a solid week. The interesting part is that it was my right leg he kicked.

You see, 4 years ago, I broke my ankle, and after 3 months of trying to recover without going back to the doctor (the original x-rays said it was not broken) I had foot surgery on my right foot. Now 4 years later, I have yet to feel the outside of my foot. No pain, but obviously something is wrong.

Two years later, as I was diving into third base (yes, another stupid sports injury), I apparently damaged some nerve in my right hip that has caused numbness in my outer thigh on my right side. Are you starting to get the picture?? Numb foot, numb thigh, connected by a very painful shin, and now surrounded by unexplained pain in the parts I can feel!!

I lack pain in both the foot and thigh, so I must be conscious of what I do. I have cut myself without feeling it. I have twisted my ankle, and wondered if I did any harm. No Pain! Some might think it would be wonderful (at this moment I wish it were true of my newest ailment), however, the pain acts as an informer to tell me of the problems I am having.

I could choose to take pain medicines to deaden the pain, but without dealing with the underlying cause, I would be doing my body a major disservice.

When you live devoid of pain (obviously I am not referring exclusively to physical pain here) - make sure you take some time to evaluate whether it is a result of things working correctly, or if it is the result of numbness, callousedness, or death. If you marriage, your relationships, your daily routine are void of any pain, you might be doing really well - or - you might be "numbing yourself" from the problems that you should be experiencing.

On the contrary, when pain comes your way (again, not just physical pain), evaluate it, embrace it for the value that it brings - it reminds you that you are alive, and that something is wrong - and then make the appropriate changes that allow you to move through the pain. Don't run - sometimes the pain is good. Don't ignore it - if something is still wrong it will not just go away. Do not seek to just endure it, although you may have to for a short period. Move into pain to find out what you need to learn from it, how you can grow through it, and what you can share with others as a result. Allow pain to be a teacher, a motivator, and an encouragement to move into the pain of others.

Back to today's pain, will I go to the doctor??
Maybe - if it gets bad enough, for long enough.

In the mean time...

Why is the simple so complex?

I heard a person speaking this past week, and he referenced a passage that I had heard before, but had not really spent much time thinking about. It was the following...

Bear fruits in keeping with repentance.

And the crowds asked him, "What then shall we do?"

And he answered them, "Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise."

Tax collectors also came to be baptized and said to him, "Teacher, what shall we do?" And he said to them, "Collect no more than you are authorized to do."

Soldiers also asked him, "And we, what shall we do?" And he said to them, "Do not extort money from anyone by threats or by false accusation, and be content with your wages."

John spoke with the people and told them very simply ways in which the message of the gospel plays out in day to day living. If you have extra, share with those in need. If you have authority, use it to the extent you are required to. If you have power, do not use it for selfish gain. Be satisfied with what you have. VERY SIMPLE!!!

But have you noticed how hard it is to live this simple life out?? It seems that no matter how hard we try, we keep getting in the way. It is a daily struggle - that without the help of One who is completely self-less, it is impossible.

Micah said it this way...

He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justice, to love kindness,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Pretty Simple - Let's all try it!

Want Freedom?? Follow the Rules!!!

Freedom lives within parameters. The more clearly defined the parameters are, the more freedom exists. Let me explain.

Imagine a world where every moment the rules change - every moment, without warning, without regularity... instant change.

Gravity - optional - on moment you are stuck to the ground, the next you float away, only to find yourself slamming to the ground a moment later. One moment you weigh in at 100 lbs, the next 1,000 lbs.

Temperature - varies without reason - from freezing to intense heat, all at the drop of a hat. External heat changes, internal temperatures fluctuate.

Light and Darkness - dance like someone randomly turning on and off the lights.

It would be virtually impossible to survive, never the less thrive in this environment.

On the contrary, we have professionals that "predict" what the weather patterns will be days, weeks, even months from now, based on "rules" of our atmosphere, our planet, and even our solar system, and because of this, we have certain expectations that give us great freedom to maneuver through the world.

I have played a game called "Rage" that allows the structure of the game to change in the very middle of the game. "Flux" is another game that is played by constantly changing the dynamics of the rules to suit the individual players. Both games cause stress - which is by design - because people want to know the rules, follow the rules, and enjoy the game. Why? Because their is freedom within the parameters of the rules.

Some of you have heard of the game "Mao". It is a game with fixed rules, but the new people to the game have no idea what the rules are. Again, stress cannot be averted easily by the new people, but those that know what the "parameters" are feel a sense of pleasure at the anxiety of the newby's - because freedom lives within parameters.

Even in relationships this is true. Parents that clearly define the rules, enforce the rules, and are consistent with the rules, will find their kids to be generally healthy and happy people. [The rules cannot exist without relationship, but that is for another conversation.] Marriages that have a man and a woman working together within the framework of the rules set out by God find themselves much more fulfilled and satisfied in their relationship as opposed to those that add to, or take away, from the structure God has placed on marriage.

Think about it...