The need for a paradigm shift.

In life we are constantly evaluating things. We wrestle with why people do or do not do things. We muse at the activity of others as if we had a perspective to help them better understand their lives. We realize that from the outside, the flaws and blind spots of others are extremely evident, but then we must confess that from the outside our perspective is different. We recognize that from our perspective things look a certain way, but as we listen to the thoughts of others, we have to conclude that there are almost infinite ways of looking at the activities of life.

I heard a man talking the other day about his marriage, and how he only had 38 years of experience. It gave me pause to think about what an "expert" at marriage would look like. As a matter of fact, I began contemplating what an "expert" on life looks like. It seems to me that if we were to think back to the first 38 years of modern technology, we would laugh at what they thought was the "best of the day".

Think about computers for instance. In the first 38 years of the creation of the modern day computer, we were looking at very large desktop type computers in the mid 80's. Atari, Intelevision, Apple computers, IBM, were some of the big names of the day. We laugh at that technology today because it is so "outdated". We realize that the experts of that day stood on the shoulders of the thousands of people who had gone before, but changed something to make the process quicker, smoother, better. Today, technology is changing so quickly that by the time a computer major graduates from college much of what they learned in the first years of training is either obsolete or has been revised.

What I guess I am wrestling with is, at the rate at which we are learning things, the one thing that I am constantly coming back to is the fact that we are still all learning.

For example, my family structure has changed much over the past 25 years. I went from being a single kid to a married parent with 3 children. I went from having 2 living parents to only 1. I went from having 4 siblings to 5 (plus a multitude of foster kids that went through my parents home). Each change reshaped me, re-focused me, re-oriented me, caused me to learn more, think differently, act differently. I am not the person I was 25 years ago.

However, the transitions will continue. Over the next 25 years, I will probably add a few members to my family as my children marry and have children. I will probably lose a few members of my family as some pass away. I maybe even gone myself - so the others around me may experience a change. There may be unexpected death or physical problems, unexpected legal or financial issues. There will be a multitude of events that will shape the future, most of which I am certain I can not imagine.

How humbling it should be that we get anything right! Yet why is it that if we figure something out, we begin to accept the accolades as an "expert" as if we have answers for questions that we haven't even asked. How does someone who has never experienced the incarceration of a family member speak to another who has had a history of family members struggling with the law. How does a person who has never experienced death of a child bring perspective to someone who has. How does a person who has never dealt with a debilitating illness or mental incapacity in a family member identify with one who has walked that path.

If there is one conclusion we must draw, it is that we can only speak from our perspective. We can only understand the life of another through the lens of our lives. Which is why paradigm shifts are vital to understanding our limited cognitive capabilities. When I realize that I process the lives of other people through my limited ability to understand, I realize that regardless of what I think, the depth and breadth of the story is much greater than I can summarize in just a short period of time. It takes a lifetime for people to develop into the people that they become - although I will confer that each step one takes makes them closer to what they will be - so I can't help but believe it would take a long time to decipher the causes behind the actions or the thought patterns.

I have grown weary of evaluating and being evaluated by others. It seems to me that we give the benefit of the doubt to people who are like us, and we judge more critically those who are not. We look for similarities to identify with, or differences to categorize others with. We want to be special by distinguishing ourselves from others. We want to know the order of things by having layers of value that we place on people.

What would the world be like if people recognized people as people? All fallen, broken, screwed up, troubled, mistaken, desiring to love and be loved, desiring to know and be known, wanting perfection but realizing it does not exist, wanting the next generation to have it better than they did, wanting peace but finding chaos... People!

Imagine a group of individuals that found their value in something (someone) outside of themselves. Who did not fear to love, because a response from the one loved was not necessary. Who do not fear to give, because there is no limit to their resources. Who do not think of self, because their identity is comprised of others. Who do not hesitate to sacrifice, because the ultimate goal is the gain of others. Who evaluate others based on the evaluation of the "One" outside themselves, because He is the only One who has the right to critique.

We need a paradigm shift.