Using Always and Never...

"Never" is a funny word - it seems that every time someone uses it, I have to ask myself... NEVER??? And much like it is the word "Always". I find myself asking the same type of question... ALWAYS???

I was thinking about these words this morning in relationship to couples. I was thinking through experiences I have with dating couples and the way they look at each other - He NEVER does anything wrong - She is ALWAYS there for me. It seems that when dating - or during the beginning of a relationship - the word "never" seems to always come before a bad behavior, bad characteristic, bad pattern, etc. Likewise, the word "always" is often used before the good traits - he always cleans up after himself, she always does what I like... Interestingly enough, the uses of those words about the other person solidifies these traits in your mind - whether or not they are true.

For instance, have you ever watched a new couple, and one of the two has blaringly obvious character flaws, or habits that you know annoy the other person (when it is not the other half of the couple doing it) but they seem to miss it altogether? Why - because they are looking at the positive, focusing on the things that are admirable about the other person.

THREE WEEKS, MONTHS, YEARS LATER... we hear the same words being used, but in a totally different way. He NEVER takes me out anymore. She is ALWAYS nagging. It seems that after time (and often after marriage) the focus on the positive fades, and the words that still are not accurate representations of truth, are used to emphasis negative characteristics.

Both scenarios are not accurate in their representation of the truth, but it is the focus of the statement that determines where the relationship is going.

If you are married, when talking with your spouse (or others about your spouse) use the words "always" and "never" whether they are true or not, but use them in a positive way. Find things that you desire in your mate, and compliment them on the things they are "always" doing. Remind them often of the things they "never" do that show that you appreciate their faithfulness, their love for you, their respect for you...

Think about it...